Blatant Plagiarism
by dear cecil
Summary: A bunch of memetic comics transcribed into TF2 fanfictions, starting with Kate Beaton's "Oh Mr. Darcy," and ending with... I don't know yet.
1. Oh Mister Engineer

Everything that follows is bullshit. This chapter was directly referenced from Kate Beaton's memetic "Ooh Mr. Darcy" comic.

* * *

"soldier I am home NOW," Engineer said, smouldering. "And I am Looking so handsome and also my shirt opened?" His shirt rippled to emphasize his point.

"OOOH MISTER ENGINEER ooh," Soldier said, swooning. "LET'S DO IT."

"Yes," Engineer said, holding Soldier in his arms like a bride. "AND I WILL Leave my cravat on."

They gazed at each other intensely, Soldier's lips looking pouty and kissable.

MEANWHILE IN A 20 MILE RADIUS OF THIS EVENT, BODICES WERE RIPPING, AND MEN WERE TURNING GAY.

"Mister engineer!" Spy moaned, clutching his cheeks as his bodice tore open with a sproing.

"Mister engineer!" Scout gasped, running his hands through his hair as he suddenly realized his deep love for gobbling cocks.

IT WAS AMAZING

the end


	2. Just Like Your Father

Everything that follows is bullshit. Directly referenced from the memetic vertical comic with the kid playing some vidya, his mom walks in with the vacuum, and... well. Yeah.

* * *

"FUCKING BLU SPY SLOW THE FUCK DOWN YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE I'LL KILL YOU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD," shouted the RED Scout, mouth wide open as he chased the Spy, gun clutched in his hands.

"VWWRRR," yelled the BLU Scout as he intercepted the RED one, smiling calmly as he waved his bat around in the air.

"DAMMIT BLU SCOUT!" RED Scout yelled, flailing his arms and dropping the gun.

"I'll just be a second, bro." BLU Scout continued to swing his bat around. His headset fell off, and he leaned down to grab it, his ass up in the air.

RED Scout watched it waggle, pressed tight into those stupid pants BLU Scout wore, and bit his bottom lip, sweat running down his forehead.

He grabbed BLU Scout by the hips and j-j-jammed it in.

"OH, BLU! BLU SCOUT!" he yelled as he rammed his cock deep into BLU Scout's perky ass.

"You're just like your father," BLU Scout said with a smile on his face, remembering the many, many times the RED Spy had fucked the shit out of him.

And then the RED Scout came all over the BLU Scout's sweet sugartits.


	3. Falling Apart

Everything that follows is bullshit. Directly reference from the memetic vertical comic where the couple is arguing on the phone and, uh, spoilers I guess.

* * *

"So let me get this straight….you're at this new base for ONE WEEK and you've already fucked some other Engineer?" Engineer was unimpressed with Spy's behavior as they spoke on the phone, his spoon in his cereal as he tried to comprehend what he was being told.

"Don't put it zat way. It's part of the new base experience, I'm trying new things and being social. Besides, you gave me permission!" Spy sounded distressed, bored, distant in a way that geography had nothing to do with.

"Well guess what Frenchie? I met someone too! And I FUCKED HIM IN THE BARNHOLE! He does stuff with me that YOU never would!" Engineer gripped the phone hard, flinging cereal over his shoulder in his fit of rage.

"….Mon Dieu…..How did zings fall apart so fast? We were supposed to stay togezzer despite ze distance…" Spy's voice was heavy with tears.

"Look…." Engineer sighed, dropping his spoon back into his bowl. "don't worry babe, it's gonna be okay."

"Okay? OKAY! 'Ow could zings POSSIBLY be okay after what's 'appened?" Spy was incredulous.

"Well, for one thing…I had Reeses for breakfast." Engineer looked at the beige and brown bits in his spoon and bowl, grinning affectionately at them.

"CANDY? …For BREAKFAST?"

"NOT CANDY…." Engineer said, pushing himself through the holes in the speaker of the phone and through the wires, emerging from Spy's phone. "…REESES PUFFS CEREAL!" He held up the bowl of fantastical deliciousness and grinned.

"JUST ONE BITE, AND MY TASTEBUDS ARE LOST IN A SEA OF CHOCOLATEY FLAVOR!" Engineer shouted, eating the cereal with a voracity he had never before displayed, his teeth covered in their grit as the universe began to collapse around them, twisting and swirling in a mess of orange and brown and beige, tears streaming down Spy's face as Engineer grabbed his arm to pull him with him into the oblivion.

"REESE'S PUFFS," Engineer shouted as they were sucked through the vortex into a mess of stars and shapes and bright colors, "it's candy: FOR BREAKFAST!"

He only had time for one last bite before his head exploded and the bits of brain matter drifted throughout space with his delectable cereal.


	4. All Night Long

Everything that follows is bullshit. Some friends in my stream wanted me to write an homage, of sorts, to Party Cat, a hilarious invention of Nedroid. But instead of Party Cat it's Sex Spy. And yeah.

* * *

"Go away, Sex Spy, it's time for me to sleep," Engineer said, pushing Sex Spy. Sex Spy just pushed his head against Engineer's chin, letting his dead weight pin him down as he laid on his chest.

"Just one more time," he wheedled.

"No, Sex Spy, I have responsibilities." Engineer shut his eyes firmly and ignored Sex Spy's constant pawing at his neck, but opened them again when Sex Spy changed tactics, rubbing against Engineer and purring.

"It's gonna be fun," Sex Spy insisted, rubbing his nose against Engineer's collar.

"Dag nabbit, Sex Spy," Engineer said angrily, "I can't just have sex all the time! I have a job. You are being ridiculous."

Sex Spy rolled off of Engineer's chest and glared at him. "Fine, then. I'll just have sex without you."

Engineer had to clutch a pillow over his head to ignore the flashing lights and loud moans that came from the living room all night. Sex Spy was not as cool as he had sounded at all.


	5. Am I Kawaii

Everything that follows is bullshit. Directly referenced from the memetic comic where the dad comes in and his otaku son shows him some kawaii animus.

* * *

"What racket is here, Sniper?" Heavy asked, looking disapprovingly into Sniper's nest. "You are watching tiny baby cartoons again?"

"It's called ANIME, Heavy." Sniper raised his eyebrow over his aviators in disdain as he turned to look at his teammate, several days worth of stubble on his jaw and the light of his laptop illuminating his face in the dark. "It's not for babies AND it's not a cartoon. It's some of the best animation from a country superior to both yours and mine with deep, intricate plots that a BAKA RUSSKI like you wouldn't understand."

He turned to move his finger on the trackpad, then moved the laptop. "Watch for a second." He clicked play.

A monstrous figure appeared on the screen, her head malformed: Giant, overbright eyes that seemed to take up all of her face; a mouth that landed somewhere in the middle of it; no discernible nose; tiny ears; vivid blue hair.

The screeching of the thing made Heavy's jaw set. "Am I kawaii? uguu~" said the yellow subtitles. "translator's note: kawaii means cute," it added.

Heavy stared at the screen for a second longer after Sniper paused it, then turned his gaze to the man himself. His frown was so forceful that it hurt his cheeks, but he could only continue to glower until Sniper's smug grin finally fell from his face.

"You disgust me," Heavy said slowly. "You never talk again. Not to me."

He stalked away from Sniper's nest and was only more repulsed when he heard the echoes of his weeping in the hallway.


End file.
